How to word your invitation, beautifully

Wording is where most couples stall. Not because the rules are difficult, but because the old ones were written for a world of one host, one format, and one way of being a family. Here is how we approach it: traditional where tradition is lovely, and relaxed everywhere it is not.

Begin with who is inviting

The opening line answers a single question: who is doing the asking? If your families are hosting together, "Together with their families" is warm, modern, and gracefully avoids ranking anyone. If you are hosting yourselves, "Alessandra and James invite you" is perfectly correct and reads with quiet confidence.

Then the request itself

Formal celebrations ask for "the honour of your presence"; warmer ones ask for "the pleasure of your company". Both are right. Choose the one that sounds like the two of you saying it out loud. That is the only test that matters.

Then the practical lines, in order

• Names first, in the order that sounds right when you read it aloud
• Date and time, spelled out for formal weddings and in numerals for relaxed ones
• Venue and place, with the house or venue name before the town; the full address belongs on the details page
• The dress code last, in one line, and never in the middle of the poetry

Saying black tie kindly

A dress code should read as an invitation, not a rule. "Black tie, warmly interpreted" gives permission. "Garden formal, with comfortable shoes for the lawn" tells guests what they actually need to know. Add one sentence of guidance and your guests will thank you all evening.

Write the invitation you would love to receive. Then read it aloud once. If you stumble, so will your guests.

When you brief us, send the wording you have, however rough. Your designer will set it, balance it, and send back two or three versions to choose from.