Adults only wedding invitation wording, said kindly

The kindest adults only wedding wording starts with the names: address each invitation only to the adults you are inviting. Then add one warm line beside the practical details, such as “We have decided to keep our day for adults only, and we hope you enjoy the night off.”

Settle your exceptions before a single invitation goes out. Exceptions are fine, as long as every one of them follows one rule you could explain to any parent on your list in a single sentence.

How do you say no children on a wedding invitation?

Say it with the names first. An invitation to “The Shah family” invites the Shah family, which includes Olivia, aged six. An invitation to “Sam and Priya” invites Sam and Priya, and most parents read that correctly without another word from you.

On a digital invitation, the names go in the message that carries your link: “Dear Sam and Priya, here is our wedding invitation.” On paper, they go on the envelope. Use the same names in your guest list, so that the people you greet are the people you count. Most of the trouble with an adults only wedding comes from doubt, so make it clear from the first message.

Where should the adults only line go?

Put it with the practical details, beside the timings and the parking, well away from the card with your names. On the front, a rule reads like a rule. Beside the parking, the same words read like information.

If you send a save the date, say it there too, so that parents have the most time to arrange childcare. Our guide on when to send save the dates gives the timings.

What is a polite way to word adults only?

One short, warm sentence, with a reason only if the reason is true. This line suits most weddings, because it leaves no opening for a request, and our wedding invitation wording examples show where it sits among the other lines:

We have decided to keep our day for adults only, and we hope you enjoy the night off.

Three more, from formal to relaxed:

• Formal: “Our wedding celebration is for adult guests only. Thank you for your understanding.”
• Warm: “We love your children, and we have planned this one as a grown-up party. Book the babysitter and come and dance with us.”
• When children are welcome for part of the day: “Children are very welcome at the ceremony. The dinner and the dancing are for adults only.”

“Our venue can only take adult guests” is a fine line until a guest finds the venue’s family weekend on Instagram.

How do you word exceptions for babies and family?

Choose one rule, then write the exception into the sentence where everyone can read it. The usual exceptions are close family, babies who are still breastfeeding, and a flower girl or page boy. What upsets guests is an exception that looks inconsistent, so test each one against your rule before you write it down.

• A baby in arms: “We are keeping our day for adults, with the exception of babies under a year old.”
• The wedding party only: “Our flower girl and page boy will be with us, because they have work to do. Otherwise the day is for adults.”
• Close family: “Our nieces and nephews will be with us. Otherwise we are celebrating with adults only.”

For a parent with a new baby who is still feeding, a private message before the invitations go out is kinder than any line. If you decide against that exception, find out whether there is a crèche or a childminder near the venue, and tell them.

Think, too, about guests who travel a long way and stay overnight, who will hope to bring their children. If that is most of your list, tell them early.

What if children are welcome at the evening party only?

Many British weddings have two guest lists: day guests, who come to the ceremony and the wedding breakfast, and evening guests, who join for the party. You can keep the day for adults and welcome children in the evening, once the speeches are over and the dancing starts. Say it in the words of each invitation, so that nobody has to work it out from the timings.

• On the day invitation: “Our ceremony and wedding breakfast are for adults only. Children are very welcome to join us from 7pm for the evening party.”
• On a separate evening invitation, with the children named: “Dear Sam, Priya, Olivia and Max, please join us for our evening celebration from half past seven.”
• For guests who have both: “The day is for grown-ups, and the evening is for everyone, so bring the children at seven.”

Tell parents what the evening holds for a child: whether there is food for them, a quiet corner for the sleepy ones, and roughly when you expect the party to end.

What do you say when a guest asks to bring their children?

Reply the same day, by phone if you can, and keep it short.

• When the answer is no: “We would love to see you both, and we have kept the day to adults for everyone. We will understand if that makes it hard, and we will miss you if you cannot come.”
• When the child fits your exception: “Of course. Bring the baby. That is exactly who the exception is for.”

The words “for everyone” do the work in the first reply. They tell the guest that nobody has judged their children in particular.

How do you spot a reply that includes children?

Ask each household to name everyone who is coming, on the reply card or the reply form. If a household replies with more people than you invited, you will see it at once, and you can ring them before the caterer needs your numbers.

Before the invitations go out, write your rule in one sentence and send it to both sets of parents. If either of them has a question about it, a guest will have the same one.

Plus ones raise the same question from the other side, and our guide to plus one wedding invitation wording takes it from there.