Plus one wedding invitation wording: who gets one, and how to say so

The clearest plus one wedding invitation wording is a name: invite a partner you know by their name, and write “and guest” only on the invitations where you mean it. Everyone else reads the answer in the names, without a sentence that says no.

Who gets a plus one at a wedding?

Our advice is to treat anyone who is married, engaged or in a long-term relationship as half of a pair, even if you have never met the partner. Give the wedding party a plus one too. A single guest who knows other people at the wedding can come alone. Then keep the rule the same for everyone, because guests get upset when one single friend gets a plus one and another does not.

So decide by kind of guest, and write the rule down before you write a single name. Ours would look like this.

The last row is the hard one. If the relationship meets your rule, invite the partner by name. Leaving them out says more than you mean to, and the friend you love will hear it.

If you do not know a partner’s name, ask. A two-line message (“We would love to invite Daniel’s partner. What is their full name?”) is quicker than any etiquette book, and it gives you the right spelling for the guest list.

Whose name goes first for a couple?

Put first the person you know best, or follow the order the couple use themselves. The old rules were written for a husband and wife, and they do not help a same-sex couple, so use one habit for every couple on your list. If a couple shares a surname, write it once: “Tom and Aisha Reid”. If not, give each person their own: “Tom Reid and Aisha Khan”.

How do you write “and guest” on a wedding invitation?

Write the guest’s name, then “and guest”, and ask for the second name in the reply. The traditional form adds “and guest” or “and partner” after the name, and the reply then gives the names of the people who are coming. That second half matters. You need a name for the guest list and the seating plan, so ask each guest to name everyone coming with them.

For the envelope, or the greeting in the message that carries your link:

• Formal, an unnamed guest: “Ms Ruth Adeyemi and guest”
• Relaxed, an unnamed guest: “Dear Ruth, and whoever you would like to bring”
• For the wedding party: “You will be beside us all day, so please bring someone to dance with at the end of it.”

How do you say no plus ones politely?

Let the names say it, and add one general line with the details of the day if most guests are invited alone.

• Formal: “We have kept our celebration to the guests named on each invitation, and we thank you for understanding.”
• Warm: “We are celebrating with exactly the people named here, so that we can spend time with every one of you.”

If your venue is small, say so only if it is the real reason: “Our venue is small, so we can only welcome the guests named on each invitation.” The same thinking answers the question about children, which has its own guide to adults only wedding invitation wording.

What do you say when a guest asks for a plus one?

Answer the same week, in a private message or a call. Someone will ask, often with a new partner and a hopeful tone.

• When the answer is no: “We would love to say yes, but we have had to keep numbers to the names on the invitations, and that goes for every guest. We cannot wait to see you.”
• When the answer is yes: “Of course. Send us their full name, so that we can add them to the list.”
• When a reply includes a name you did not invite: “We may not have been clear, and we are sorry: the invitation was for you alone. We hope you understand, and we would love to see you there.”

Keep the third one private, and assume a misunderstanding first.

How do you know who a guest is bringing?

Ask on the reply card or form for the name of everyone who is coming. Then you will know whether Ruth is bringing someone before you start the seating plan, and you will have the spelling for the place card.

If you ask guests to choose a meal, ask for each person by name. Our guide to meal choices and allergies on the reply covers how to word those questions.

If your invitation is a link, anyone who has the link can usually open it. Send it only to the people you want there, and ask guests not to forward it. Our guide to sending wedding invitations by WhatsApp covers what the message around the link should say.

Write your rule at the top of your guest list and go down the names one by one. Anyone who does not fit it is the person to ring before the invitations go out.

For every other line on the card, our wedding invitation wording examples start where this note stops.