Wedding invitation wording for divorced parents and blended families

When your parents are divorced, name the people who are hosting, in an order you have agreed with each of them, or host the wedding yourselves and name no parents at all. Both are correct, and both are kind as long as every parent hears the wording from you before any guest does.

Every example below uses one invented family. Alessandra Rossi is marrying James Hale. Her parents, Paolo Rossi and Giulia Marino, are divorced, and both have remarried, to Clare and to Daniel. James’s mother is Susan Hale, and his father, Richard, has died.

Who is hosting, and who is paying?

These are two different questions. The hosts are the people whose names invite your guests. The people who pay may be the same people, or some of them, or nobody on the invitation at all. A parent who pays for the flowers does not need to appear in the first line, and a parent who appears in it does not need to have paid for anything.

So start by deciding who the hosts are. Then the wording follows.

What are the lines to copy for each family shape?

You host it yourselves. This is the simplest form, and it suits any family. Our guide to wording your invitation gives the version with “together with their families”. Here is a softer one:

• Alessandra Rossi and James Hale invite you to their wedding, with love from both their families

Divorced parents host together. The traditional form puts both names in the first line, then “their daughter”. In our family, that reads:

• Mr Paolo Rossi and Mrs Giulia Marino request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter Alessandra to Mr James Hale

In the most traditional style, a married woman takes her husband’s first name. Many women now use their own first name instead, and we would use hers.

A parent and step-parent host. The traditional form for a mother and stepfather says “her daughter”, which tells guests whose daughter the bride is without a word of explanation.

• With her mother and stepfather: Mr and Mrs Daniel Marino request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of her daughter Alessandra Rossi to Mr James Hale
• With her father and stepmother: Paolo and Clare Rossi invite you to the marriage of his daughter Alessandra to James Hale

All four parents host. Use first names here. Four sets of titles in one line reads like a list of company directors.

• Paolo and Clare Rossi and Giulia and Daniel Marino invite you to the marriage of Alessandra Rossi and James Hale

One parent hosts alone.

• Mrs Giulia Marino requests the pleasure of your company at the marriage of her daughter Alessandra Rossi to Mr James Hale

Both families host, with a parent who has died. This is our advice, and a form we like for almost any blended family. Each of you is named with your own parents, so nobody has to be ranked against anyone else.

• Alessandra Rossi, daughter of Giulia Marino and Paolo Rossi, and James Hale, son of Susan Hale and the late Richard Hale, invite you to celebrate their marriage

How do you remember a parent who has died?

Only the living can host, so a parent who has died is kept out of the line that does the inviting. There are two kind places to put them instead. The first is a “son of” line, as above, with “the late” before the name. The second is a sentence in your story, in your own voice:

• James’s father, Richard, would have loved this day. We will raise a glass to him at dinner.

Ask the parent who is still living which place feels right. Some people find “the late” on an invitation comforting. Others prefer to keep it for the speeches.

How do you choose the order of names?

There is no single correct order, which is good news, because it means you can pick the one that keeps the peace. Choose a principle and use it for both sides. You could put first the parent who raised you, go by the alphabet, or put mothers first throughout. In the traditional form above, the father comes first. Any of these works if it is the same for both families.

Two smaller choices help. Set divorced parents on separate lines, so the “and” between them does not read as if they are still a couple. And give every parent the same style, all with titles or all with first names, so no name looks more important than another.

Where do divorced parents sit on the day?

Away from a traditional top table, if that is easier for everyone. Debrett’s notes that the classic top table reflects the bride’s parents as hosts, that it can become unnecessary when the couple host, and that leaving it out helps when parents are divorced. Give each parent a table of their own people, near the front and at an equal distance from you.

How do you talk to each parent before your first design?

Send each parent the exact line that names them, on its own, before it goes to your designer or printer. Ask them to check the spelling, the surname they use now, and the title they want (Mrs, Ms, Dr or none). A parent who sees their name in your words first, and in a private message, is far less likely to be hurt by it later.

If a parent asks for a change, make it, and tell the other parent only if it affects them. Often, a worry about an invitation is a worry about being placed second, and a private conversation settles them better than a family group chat.

Once every parent has approved their line, the rest of the card is the easy part, and our wedding invitation wording examples cover each of the other lines.