How to announce your engagement, and who should hear it first

Tell any children from an earlier relationship first, and both sets of parents straight after, in person or by telephone. Then ring your closest family and friends, send one message to everyone else, and post online last. A newspaper announcement, an engagement party and the save the date can all follow in their own time.

Who should you tell first when you get engaged?

The people who would be hurt to hear it second. Debrett’s, the British etiquette publisher, says both sets of parents should hear first, in person where possible or by telephone if not, and that nothing should go online until your immediate family and closest friends know (2026). We would put one group ahead of the parents: children from an earlier relationship, who should never learn about a new stepparent from a grandparent.

Make the calls in one or two evenings if you can. News travels faster than you dial, and a grandmother in Aberdeen will forgive a lot, but not hearing it from your cousin’s story.

How do you tell children from an earlier relationship?

Their own parent tells them, ideally alone and somewhere ordinary: the car, the kitchen table, a walk. Keep it short and say what will not change, such as where they live, their other parent and their place in the family. Younger children usually want to know what happens on the day and whether there will be cake. Teenagers may want time, and they should get it. Do not ask anyone to look delighted on cue.

Tell the children’s other parent before the news reaches them through the children. One quiet message is enough, and it spares the children from carrying news between two homes. Later, you can offer each child a part on the day, a reading or a seat in the front row, and let them say no.

What if your parents are divorced or do not get on?

Tell each parent separately, on the same day, so that neither hears it from the other. Ring the one who lives further away first if you are visiting the other. If a parent has remarried, include their partner in the news. When the time comes to word the invitation, our note on wording for divorced parents and blended families has a line for each kind of family.

Should you put an engagement announcement in the newspaper?

Only if your families would enjoy it, and many do. Debrett’s says traditional couples still announce in a national broadsheet such as The Times or The Daily Telegraph, and that announcements now appear online as well as in print (2026). The Times still takes engagements for its announcements pages, booked through News UK (2026). A local paper reaches the people who knew you as children, and it is where many grandparents still look.

To place one, work through these steps:

• Agree the wording with both families before you book. Parents notice their own names.
• Find the paper’s announcements or family notices page, or ring its advertising desk.
• Ask for the price, the deadline, the day it will print and whether it also runs online.
• Send the words in writing, and check the proof letter by letter, with every town spelled out.
• Buy a few copies on the day. Someone will want one for a frame.

We have not given a price, because rates change and each paper sets its own. Ask before you send the words, as a long notice costs more than a short one.

What is the traditional wording for an engagement announcement?

The traditional form starts with a heading line of the two names, then one sentence that names the couple, their place among their brothers and sisters, their parents and their parents’ towns:

Mr T.J. Ashworth and Miss A.C. Okafor. The engagement is announced between Thomas, elder son of Mr and Mrs David Ashworth, of Harrogate, North Yorkshire, and Amelia, younger daughter of Dr and Mrs Richard Okafor, of Didsbury, Manchester.

The modern form, where the couple announce it themselves, suits a couple who have lived together for years or who would rather not rank anyone’s children by age. Both forms are correct. Choose the one your parents will read aloud to their friends.

How should you share your engagement online?

Last, and once the calls are made. A ring and a smile is all the post needs. Ask before you tag a parent or a friend, and think of the people in your circle who may find the news hard this year, after a loss or a break-up. A private message to them first is a kindness they will remember.

Leave the date and the venue out of a public post until the invitations have gone. People who will not be invited can read it too, and you will be asked about it at work.

When should you have an engagement party?

Within two or three months of the engagement, before the wedding planning takes over. Anyone can host: parents, friends or the two of you. Keep one rule: invite only people you will invite to the wedding, because an engagement party is a promise of a wedding invitation. Keep it modest. The Money and Pensions Service found in its 2026 survey that about a third of people had turned down a wedding event, such as a hen do or an engagement party, because of the cost.

Drinks at home or a room above a pub is plenty. Our note on how far ahead to plan a party gives the dates for an engagement party: start two to three months ahead, and send the invitations six weeks before.

When does the save the date follow the engagement?

Once the date and the venue are fixed, and not before. For most UK weddings that means six to twelve months ahead, and sooner for a wedding abroad or on a bank holiday weekend. Our guide to when to send save the dates has the windows and five lines to copy.

Between the announcement and the save the date sits the real work: the budget, the guest list and the venue. Our UK wedding planning timeline puts each job in its month. Ring your parents first, though. The spreadsheet can wait until Monday.