How to plan a hen do, from the first message to the last payment

Start with the bride. Ask what she wants, who must be there and which weekends are free, then set a price per person before you book anything. For a weekend away, start four to six months ahead and invite three to four months ahead. Collect deposits early, share every cost openly, and give guests a cheaper way to join.

The organiser has two jobs that pull against each other: to make the bride feel looked after, and to make sure no guest feels cornered about money. Most of what follows serves one or the other.

Who organises the hen do?

By tradition, the chief bridesmaid. In practice, it is whoever the bride trusts with her friends and her diary: a sister, a friend from school, or two bridesmaids who share the job. If the bride has asked you, the job is yours, and so is the right to ask for help. Give one person the money and another the guest list, so that no one carries both.

Before you plan anything, ask the bride a few questions. What would she hate? Who must be there? Which weekends are impossible? Many brides want to see the guest list even when the rest is a surprise, because they know which cousin will be hurt to be left out. Invite only people who are also invited to the wedding.

Who pays for a hen do: the bride or the guests?

The guests, at most UK hen dos. Each guest pays for her own travel, room, food and activities, and the group usually splits the bride’s share between them, so that she pays for nothing at her own celebration. It is a custom, and a group can set it aside. Abroad, her share adds a real sum to each bill, and some brides prefer to pay their own way.

Whatever you agree, write it in the first message, beside the price. “£180 each, which includes a share of the bride’s costs” is clear. A share that appears a week before the weekend is how friendships cool. The organiser pays her own way too. The job does not make you the bank.

How much does a hen do cost in the UK?

More than most guests expect. In a survey of about 1,000 UK adults carried out for Aviva by Censuswide in May 2023, guests said a hen or stag do they attended cost them £779 on average in the UK and £1,208 abroad, once travel, rooms, food, drinks and activities were counted.

The cost decides who comes. In the same 2023 survey, about a third of people said they had turned down a hen or stag invitation, and four in five of them said the expense was the reason. A survey by the Money and Pensions Service, published on 23 July 2026, found that about a third of UK adults had declined a wedding event, such as a hen or stag do, because of the cost. Among those aged 25 to 34 it was four in ten.

How far ahead should you plan a hen do and send the invitations?

Hold the hen do one to two months before the wedding. That leaves the bride time to recover before the final fitting. Then count back. The further guests travel, the earlier they need to know, because they must book time off and, for a trip abroad, flights.

For an ordinary party, six weeks of notice is enough, as our note on how far ahead to plan a party in the UK explains. A hen do needs more, because a weekend asks for a Friday off and a house that sleeps twelve books early. To see where the hen sits among the dress fittings and the invitations, read our UK wedding planning timeline.

How do you set a hen do budget everyone can afford?

Price the plan for the guest with the least to spare. Then make it easy to say yes in part.

• Get the guest list from the bride before you price anything, and ask her quietly about anyone for whom money is tight.
• Set one price per person, with the bride’s share inside it, and put it in the first message.
• Offer a cheaper way to join: the Saturday without the Friday night, the dinner without the activity, or a local afternoon for those who cannot travel.
• Collect a deposit with each reply, by bank transfer to one account, and the balance by a fixed date.
• Keep one shared list of every cost and every payment, and let every guest see it.
• Name the extras in advance: drinks, taxis, fancy dress, a sash. Small costs still add up.
• Write down your refund rule before anyone pays. If a guest drops out, ask the venue first whether her place can pass to someone else.

Say that the cheaper option is welcome, and mean it. A guest who comes to dinner and goes home before the cocktail class has still come.

Should the hen do be at home, away or abroad?

Let the guest list decide. Six old friends with money and leave to spare can fly to Lisbon. Eighteen guests across three generations are better served by a long lunch and an evening in the city where most of them live.

For a trip abroad, ask every guest to check her passport before she pays a deposit, and to buy travel insurance when she books. The GOV.UK guidance on foreign travel insurance says to buy it as soon as possible after you book your trip, so that it covers a cancellation before you go.

How do you include older relatives and guests who cannot travel?

Plan the hen do in two parts. The first is a quiet one near home: an afternoon tea, a lunch or a garden party for the bride’s mother, grandmother, future mother-in-law and aunts. The second is the evening or the weekend with friends. Invite everyone to the part that suits them, and say plainly that one part is enough.

For the first part, choose a place with step-free access, chairs with backs and a table where people can hear one another. A guest who is pregnant, caring for someone or short of leave can join the afternoon and miss nothing that matters. For a friend abroad, set up a call at a fixed time.

What do guests need to know before the day?

A week before, send one message with everything in it: the times, the addresses, what to wear, what to bring, what is paid for and what is not, and a phone number for the person in charge on the day. Then stop sending updates.

How do you plan a stag do?

The same way. The best man usually organises it, with the groom’s wishes as the brief. The guests pay their own way and, by custom, cover the groom’s share. The timing, the deposits and the shared list of costs all work as they do for a hen do. Agree the price first and give a cheaper option.

Watch the budget more closely. In the 2023 Aviva survey, men spent £920 on average on a stag or hen do in the UK, against £652 for women. A weekend of golf abroad excludes more people than any guest will tell you. Offer a day in the UK, and let the group choose.